I have always been thinking, what describes me the best, this morning it has finally came into my mind that I'm like a bird, but in a cage. I might be a bit better, like Blu in Rio, I tend to unlock the cage once in a while to set myself free but the final point, I still have to get back to my master, a.k.a parent.
It was 4 years ago I had this feeling and it playbacks exactly the same this morning. It was a family discussion on what's best for me to pursue in my future - Obviously it's supposed to be what I favour in. But turn out, it was what they think best for me. I never fought for myself, as a female in my big family, I don't get a say. That time, I stood up and said NO. Been staying far apart from Mee for the past 18+ years, it's my first time tearing in front of her insisting not to take law. I failed.
Come this far, I'm blessed. I manage to been through almost everything that torture me for every second that counts while I'm reading books, I've finally come to an end in my academic life - Till then, life still isn't going the way I feel like it. Being graduated, seeing her happiness showing through her eyes and smiles, I feel great - I made her proud. The announcement of result was out last week, I made it through, been so lucky - I see it again, she was so happy. But, am I?
Early this six, he asked me whether or not I send out any letters yet. I've everything planned up ahead to start working only after the vacation which is like, 4 months later, I was urged and ordered to apply for a job now. The guts came back to me and with my sleepy mind, I fight back again, I said NO. Not being accepted even by a bits, I tear again, quietly to myself, trying to swallow as much anger that I would, and walk it off. The second time of me fighting for my voice, I failed.
I do apologize for being so emo in this post but I have to. They won't get to see this 'cause they couldn't be bothered. Besides throwing it out, there's nothing else that I can do except pursuing my job search. I might sound so useless in this post for being so naive in handling matters, but you, has know nothing 'bout me, please don't judge me so quickly. Because this is what happen exactly to them - They think they know me - Bullshits.
End!
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1 comment:
the bird can grow but not the cage :p
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